Who are you listening to? 4 steps to feeling better about yourself

I had a client last week who said she had been feeling lack of worth and, although she got through that feeling, she never wanted to go through it again. We explored some techniques that might be helpful for you.

1. For 1 week, carry a small notebook all of the time and make 2 sets of notes. The first set includes negative talk to, or about yourself, such as; “I’m so stupid”; “that was a mistake”; “I can’t [fill in the blank]”. Also note if other people are being critical of you, even if they say they are joking.

On another page make note of all the positive things you hear, including your own self-talk. We tend not to listen when people are complimenting us, so pay special attention to when they do.

No matter how often a message comes up, write it down.

2. On the third day begin noting the Identity of who has sent that message now, or in the past.

3. Look at the number of times the negative and positive messages have come up. Make note of the number of times the same person has been critical of you in person or in memory.

4. Review your lists and explore who has your ear. If the same person is continually badgering you, even in jest, it’s time to change the relationship. Especially note your self talk. If it’s negative, you are completely in charge. When you find you are repeating what a parent or teacher or other authority figure told you years ago release the message by saying, “I release your hold on me and I embrace myself as a good and worthy person.”

It takes time and relentless practice, but try to turn these negatives into positive until they become a habit. Good luck and contact me if you have questions about this exercise.