October 2013 – When having health issues my pattern is to keep that vulnerability to myself. Having had 2 different admissions to the cardio unit for procedures in the last week, and a return trip to the ER, I’ve been convinced to share my experiences with you who have looked to me for truth and sharing.
The first thing I note is that my assumption that I’m not afraid to die is still pretty accurate. I’m definitely not planning to die. I have too much to live for and too many projects to complete, but I’m not afraid. However, as I saw the quiver in my husband’s chin as he was on the phone explaining to a friend that I was back in the ER, and when I saw my daughter’s tear streaked face as she put on a brave front, and when I heard my son’s voice of despair that he is half way across the country and could not plump my pillows, I recognized how my passing to the next stage would be terrifying for them. Thinking about leaving them behind is the scariest part.
My few friends who knew about my drama wanted to do something, anything to help, but there was really nothing I would ask them to do. This brings me to my next note, which is to always be willing to ask for healing energy and prayers. Doing so not only helps in the healing process (and I’m a healer, after all, and should not have hesitated to ask), it also gives people an opportunity to participate. I realize now, my desire to “go it alone” was selfish and unfair to my friends, the support my family would have received and myself.
This brings me to the third thing to note. Every day counts. We don’t know what tomorrow or the next day will bring. Yes, I know we’ve all heard this before, but let’s act on this bit of knowledge now.
Right now I’m in full recovery and many of the fears (and even some of the very funny one-liner jokes) are fading. I’m walking, playing, and laughing- and of course, I’m reading. I start new exercise classes next week and have a road trip planned to go to St. Louis for Thanksgiving. I am living life to it’s fullest.
Here is my challenge to you: every day write down one thing that you did or said that makes your life worth living. It could be anything from having fun with family to helping a stranger, or maybe even cleaning out a closet. Maybe life is worth living because you learned something new or taught someone else. Perhaps you made a creative piece of art or music. It could be anything. Every single day there is a reason for you to be alive. Concentrate on that purpose, no matter how small, rather than the negative.
The intention of this exercise is to honor yourself for being here.
Thank you all for being here for me.
